If there’s one main idea that’s gone through my mind this past year, it’s that motherhood is not for wimps. Oh my goodness, it is definitely NOT. I’ve trained and ran two marathons, probably completed 10 half marathons, survived four field hockey preseasons in college, passed out and gone to the hospital probably 3 times or so from physical exertion, dehydration, made it through school, college, grad school. And now that I’ve started the journey of motherhood or have gotten 3+ years into it, none compare for me. Without a doubt, motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done (oh and I have only just started!). It is not for wimps at all, yet ironically it definitely makes me feel like one often.
When I feel like strangling my kids and then look at them realizing that my anger is directed at cute chubby cheeks, the guilt that runs through me makes me realize why moms have it so hard. The emotional roller coaster that I go through each day is insane and I’m guessing I may not be the only one.
“I love you Mommy. You’re my best friend in the whole world!” can shift to a tantrum in two seconds.
Is it possible that someone who says she loves me can throw a tantrum because I can no longer carry her and I just need to run to the bathroom???!
I don’t remember my blood boiling so often before motherhood. I say this all not to boast about my troubles, but to really say that my career at home is nothing to boast about. “Humbling” would describe it quite well for me.
Which is probably a good thing. If it requires insanity to bring me to knees, God has done it. And he is still working on me. Sometimes I just pray (or maybe beg) that I will get to sleep through the night. Other times, I ask for forgiveness for screaming at my daughter with the same level of decibels that my daughter used to scream at me. And almost every night, I pray that my children will grow up to love Jesus and be kind to others, very aware that my example is not exactly perfect.
Interestingly, Maddie yells at her brother with the same ‘tude that I sometimes give her.
Props to all the moms out there. And praise God that He is in charge and is always willing to offer me grace, wisdom and strength to hold on.